Simmer simmer simmer
Last Sunday, I had to go and visit my friend’s house for the obligatory CNY visit. Ever since she moved to her new home, she keeps asking me when I’m free to go see her. Actually, I’m quite lazy one… because her house is in KL..right in the heart of KL. Major Jam/HeartAttack/High Blood Pressure session la. So…when she asked me to visit her on a weekday..I told a white lie (which became true, by the way - I said, someone was coming to see me.. ) and said, Sunday la…Sunday, I come.
True to my word, Sunday saw No.1 and a frazzled me trying to explain to the Nepalese Guard who I was there to see. Y’see…I ran out of credits and had no money to call her. Also, quite foolishly, I didn’t ask her earlier what number her unit was. Luckily, she is quite a…ermmm.. flamboyant person..so, the guards kinda guessed who I was talking about.
So….I could hear her kids squealing excitedly when they heard me knock on her grand wooden door. Their playmate, No.1, was here!! HURRAY!!!!!!!! He was so apprehensive but excited as well. He’s developed a sudden shy-ness around people. But, the moment he laid eyes on all their toys.. all was forgotten and played they did.
I was left with her. We met in a playdate….eons ago..and we kept in touch eversince. Her house….is beautifully opulent, very tasteful and should be a feature in "Beautiful Homes" (or whatever home&living magazines it’s called). Of course, she told me how long it took her to wallpaper (it was very welldone) all her (extremely high) walls, how horrible the carpenters were when they did the built-in cupboards ("Y’know ah..I thought they were all skilled…but NO LAH…they all cheap chinaman carpenters one! I’m so angry with them!"), how small her wet kitchen had become and mostly, because she moved into a townhouse…just how much stairclimbing she’s been doing.
It was really really something outside my comfort zone. I’m so used to Ikea Furniture, cheapass "INAX" toilet bowls and terrazo flooring. Her bathroom was filled with French sounding porcelein toilets and sinks. Her rooms had GARGANTUAN pictures of her and her hub. Her chandeliers…PHOOOWWWWWAARR ..costed her only RM25K. I weakly said, "Wow..that’s cheap!". And she replied, "YAR! I got a good deal!".
While she’s quite an extravagent person, she did do a lot of recycling of furniture..y’know, to prove to her hub that she can save money too!
Anyway, she had already prepared No.1’s lunch and I was planning to go home straight after that. After the kids finished…(actually, the elder two finished..the youngest one wanted ME..not his mummy, ME, to feed him…gawd!! That took forever..I’m so not used to chasing kids during feeding time!), she suddenly said, "Ahh…the maid is already cooking lunch for us ah..You eat first ok?"
Aiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
I tell you why. I didn’t do BIG business in the morning. The whole time I was there, it was simmering deep in my errrmm..bowels. I was really dying to go.
As she busied herself in the kitchen, I nervously asked myself, if I dared "christen" her home. My bowels told me I had no choice.
Luckily, because of the husk, it all came out fast and furious. A LOT OF IT. As I stood up and looked at my "deposits"…I was struck with panic. OH GEEZ! ALL FLOATERS….IS HER HIGH-END BRANDED TOILET STRONG ENOUGH TO FLUSH IT ALL???????????????
Pushed down the lever. Saw the swirl of water….it was all floating floating floating…mocking me with the possibility of floating there forever! I again panicked…GEEZ! NO BUCKET!!!!!! HOW TO FLUSH????
Luckily, her high-end branded toilet did the job really well. It all got sucked in into some underground container somewhere. AND! NO LEFTOVER PERFUME FUMES!!!!
Something my cheapass"INAX" toilet needs to learn. 
muahahahahahahahahah!
all you took back with you was your “business” experience?
nearly fell off my chair!
Ooi..careful !!!!…or else u break ur back..cannot go for Together Gather man!!!!!
Comment by egghead — March 1, 2007 @ 7:30 am
Eat too much husk ler….aiks! i also wanna go pang sai edi!!!
Eh…good mah… NO meh?
Comment by Sasha — March 1, 2007 @ 8:15 am
LOL, High floaters! You’re a scream, mott! HA HA HA
Eh..SHHHHHH..cannot scream scream la…u think I watt? Jakun ah?
Comment by jonzz — March 1, 2007 @ 11:05 am
hahaha…must be damn “shi fuk” after that!
Wahh…..I’m sure you know the feeling leh!!!!
Comment by Annie — March 1, 2007 @ 11:37 am
if you should ever visit my home i will prepare a tampui or ‘chamber pot’ just in case
Ok..but ermmmm…who help me clean ah? HAHAHAHAHA!! Kidding!!!
Comment by Bengbeng — March 1, 2007 @ 11:49 am
jeeezzz.. thanks for the very detailed info. fast and furious… kakakaka. bangsai bor seh… benggali bor eh eh.. well i actually donno wat it means, just that my friend and i keep saying to each other when we needed that break from msn. now u can start leaving ’souvenirs’ whenever u go visiting. plus check out the toilet
it tells a lot about the owner 
Unfortunately, I have done a lot of “christening”. I’m a kinda gal that can shit anywhere one. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Comment by Sweetpea — March 1, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
hahahahaaahah…..that’s soooo funny. a little (or a lot) housewarming pressie for your friend
Now..that’s why I felt so empty handed when I got there! I forgot to get her one!!!!!!
Comment by Mommy to Chumsy — March 1, 2007 @ 4:33 pm
Pheww! What a relief!
At least after that can chit-chat without the simmering. Simmering makes paying attention really susah. LOL.
HAHAH..so true. I’m sure your patients do get your FULL attention, ALL THE TIME, RIGHT? *winks*
Comment by Bernard — March 1, 2007 @ 5:10 pm
heehee, I read liao also worried for you leh….all float back how huh?
If float back….I wait till the tank full full then only flush. If not..panic panic panic. Coz there’s nothing in her lil cupboard under the sink.. only… (haha..I Kaypoh-ed), fluffy white The Ritz (GOSH! SHE SWIPED IT!!!) hand-towels and expensive toilet paper!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Jan (My lovely Rays) — March 2, 2007 @ 1:57 am
Wah floating summore..very good pang sai lor! LOL!
The husk helped alot! *grins*
Comment by Vien — March 2, 2007 @ 7:38 am
mygawd! you ah…. *lost for words*
Comment by Angeleyes — March 2, 2007 @ 6:06 pm
lol! yer too hilarious..!! yer know.. i hate using ppl’s washroom.. for fear of jamming the toilet..! then when you come right out.. there is someone out there who just “chong” into the toilet .. without giving the toilet a chance to air out… so embarrassing.. hhahha!! i’m glad i’m not the only one… and i’m not that wierd afterall.
Comment by Mama Bok — March 3, 2007 @ 7:22 am
ha ha ha. i was worried for you too, and was skipping quickly down the lines for the story end.
Comment by allthingspurple — March 4, 2007 @ 7:18 pm